It’s been almost 24 hours since the “Beatdown by the Bay” occurred. For those of you who might have been working and not among the estimated 80 million people who watched the first debate between 2016 Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Drumpf in Hempstead, NY, you missed what is normally a sedate exercise in civics and U. S. politics turn into a thrashing that was as lengthy as it was thorough. I thought PETA was going to run in at one moment to halt the activities because a grandmother was whipping an Orangutan Mutant mercilessly and wouldn’t let up.

The debate was supposed to focus on three issues (and to figure out just what moderator and NBC news anchor Lester Holt was looking for in these is open to interpretation): “America’s Direction, (my guess? What direction to take the United States in – one that embraces globalization or one that basically segments the world away from the U. S.)” “Achieve Prosperity (what will the candidate do to improve the lot for ALL citizens)” and “Securing America (what will the candidates do to ensure U. S. security at home and abroad).” From the start, however, it was obvious that Holt was not going to hold the candidates to those broad titles. With that said, it was the start that was the Tangerine Nightmare’s best moment.

While supposedly discussing “America’s Direction,” Drumpf got off on a tangent of how the different trade deals that the U. S. is involved in is hurting business. He scored some excellent points in the demise of industrial jobs in the Rust Belt and how the Obama Administration (and, by extension, Clinton, who spent four years with the team) had failed to help the area. He also scored points on Clinton’s support and then disavowal of the Trans-Pacific Partnership, the trade agreement between the United States and 12 Asian countries (but NOT China, as Mr. Oompah Loompah has previously stated). Clinton couldn’t muster an adequate defense for her reversal of belief and Drumpf was riding high.

Then came the next 80-plus minutes of the debate…

From that point on, the evening turned into a nightmare for Cheeto Jesus. For one thing, C. J. snorted throughout the evening as if he had ingested the latest shipment of blow from Colombia. It wasn’t just slight sniffles; it was full-throated snorts of air through the nose that were picked up by the microphone that he claimed didn’t work. For someone that has berated his opponent on her health (which he did again at the end of the debate), it sounded like he needed a nasal cannula to assist him to get through the night.

Second, for someone speaking of “stamina,” he went to the water more often than a traveling tent preacher heads to the river. You might be able to write it off on nerves, but that would have to prove true all the way through the night as the split screen showed him gulping water like an out of ocean flounder. He also demonstrated that he had more tics than a Tennessee bloodhound, fidgeting on his side of the stage and airing his disdain for much of the proceedings through his facial expressions.

These are nitpicky points, however. The real problem laid in the complete and utter lack of any coherent thought on ANY question that came from Holt or from discussion between he and Clinton. The “word salads” tossed by Herr Drumpf (probably from a gift provided by the previous champion of lunacy behind a mic, Sarah Palin) left those watching on television and those in attendance literally saying “What the fuck?” as he spewed the verbiage.

In response to a question from Holt on why businesses would go through financial repatriation under his Presidency, this is VERBATIM what the Orangutan Mutant’s reply was:

“They are going to expand their companies and do a tremendous job. I’m getting rid of the great thing for the wealthy, it’s a great thing for the middle class and for companies to expand and when these people are going to put billions and billions of dollars into companies and when they are going to bring $2.5 trillion back from overseas where they can’t bring the money back because politicians like Secretary Clinton won’t allow them to bring the money back because the taxes are so onerous and the bureaucratic red tape, it’s so bad.

So what they are doing is leaving our country and, believe it or not, they are leaving because taxes are too high and because some of them have lots of money outside of our country and instead of bringing it back and putting the money to work because they can’t work out a deal and everybody agrees it should be brought back, instead of that, they are leaving our country to get their money because they can’t bring their money back into our country because of bureaucratic red tape, because they can’t get together. Because we have a president that can’t sit them around a table and get them to approve something, and here’s the thing, Republicans and Democrats agree that this should be done. $2.5 trillion.

I happen to think it’s double that. It’s probably $5 trillion that we can’t bring into our country, Lester, and with a little leadership, you’d get it in here very quickly and it could be put to use on the inner cities and lots of other things, and it would be beautiful. But we have no leadership. And honestly, that starts with Secretary Clinton.”

Huh?

There were other examples of this travesty, but its plainly obvious that Mr. “I Know Everything,” like a star quarterback for a high school football team, didn’t even bother to crack the textbook and study for the exam. Meanwhile the bookish head of the student government was prepared, understood what the purpose for the gathering was and proceeded to beat Drumpf around the head and face. In fact, Clinton had the kill shot of the night in saying, “I think Donald just criticized me for preparing for this debate…and yes I did. And you know what else I’m prepared for? To be President, and I think that’s a good thing.”

Clinton did everything just short of tossing a saddle on Drumpf’s back, grab a cowboy hat and ride him around the stage like Annie Oakley in Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show. This isn’t even bringing up the 50+ times that it was counted that Drumpf tried his best debate tactic – interrupting his opponent while they are speaking – nor the continuation of his lies about his position on Iraq or, when the discussion turned to why he hasn’t released his tax returns, how much he pays in taxes (about having paid none in past years, Drumpf stated “that makes me smart” – no, that makes you a scumbag for not paying your part to such things as the national defense and other things you’ve taken advantage of). The thrashing was so thorough that Drumpf advocate Rudy “Mr. 9/11” Giuliani tweeted after the debate that it wasn’t the “best night” for his comrade and enhanced those thoughts earlier this morning in stating that the Orange Ouroboros shouldn’t take part in any more debates.

If there’s one final note to make on the first (and perhaps final?) debate, it is that the GOP can’t make up their own reality about how badly it went for their savior. Drumpf was roundly chided for trumpeting the results of the Breitbart survey of “who won” the debate (when the executive director of the website is DIRECTING YOUR CAMPAIGN, which side do you think they’re going to say won?). The only survey of reputable sites that even showed Drumpf pulling a slight edge out of the debate was Forbes; everyone else who was reputable had Clinton crushing him like a bug.

In fact, if you want to follow the old axiom, “follow the money,” then Clinton paddled Drumpf like a sorority pledge. Bookies moved the chances for Clinton to be elected from -170 to -245 after the debate, almost as sure a shot as you can get. Stock markets and currency rates around the world improved, indicating that Clinton’s overwhelming thumping of Dump wouldn’t cause the arrival of the First American Reich. Hell, even ADVOCATES of the Tangerine Nightmare have said he was beaten ruthlessly.

But virtually every supporter (that lacks a functioning brain) of Drumpf believes differently. They believe that he “won” outright and, if they don’t believe that, the old chestnuts of “rigged” activities or “he was going against TWO opponents (Holt was tough, but fair on both sides)” are dragged out and used. By the time Clinton spanked him again over calling former Miss Universe Alicia Machado “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Housekeeping” (because of her Hispanic heritage), the night was a complete and utter disaster for the Queens Corporate Welfare Queen.

The GOP cannot be allowed to craft their own narrative. Drumpf lost, plain, simple and painfully. Unless he plans on doing the actual work of being a Presidential candidate and studying for the debates – something that his “yes men and women (and that’s you, Kellyanne Conway – going from Cruz to Drumpf has to have left all sorts of slime on you, doesn’t it?)” are probably trying to pound through his narcissistic brain – then the second debate is going to be just like the first. Clinton will walk in thoroughly prepared – even for Drumpf’s threats of “saying something nasty” about her husband’s infidelities – and proceed to smack him around again.

We’ve got until October 4, when Vice Presidential nominees Tim Kaine and Mike Pence step up for what will be a scintillating (eye roll) debate, to discuss the opening salvos of the Clinton/Mutant clash. But a couple things are painfully obvious:  one, if he even wants to LOOK like he’s President material, Drumpf will have to do vastly better than what he did on Monday in the “Beatdown by the Bay,” and two, the lobotomizing of the GOP base is now complete.