Rather than delve into the delusion that currently is supposed to oversee this country (and trust me, there’s plenty to call the Tangerine Ignoramus out on, especially his painfully visible attempts to recreate the film Wag the Dog by rattling the battle sabers against…well, whoever he thinks will distract attention from how corrupt and owing to the Russians him and his Confederacy of Dunces are), I’ve decided to start something that will be much more fun. Since college basketball just recently completed the NCAA Basketball Championship, I thought it would be fun to do the same but in a different arena – the genre of hard rock/metal music.

What are the criteria for consideration? First, the band/singer would have to have some sort of longevity to their career – yo’u don’t see many bands or singers that are considered “legendary” if they were only around for a couple of albums (Amy Winehouse is a rare exception, but that’s a discussion for another time). Second, the band/singer would have to have an impact on the genre – did they do something particularly noteworthy or notorious that put them into the annals of the genre’s history, a song or “behavior” that was historic. Third, just how popular were they when they were in existence – a band or singer that was wildly popular with the fans might get some leeway over a critical darling OR vice versa (depending on tastes). Fourth, what accolades did they receive – awards, gold records, and recognition by the industry (Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, hello?) are all under consideration here. Finally, was the band/singer influential on future generations of music – have they helped shape the genre since they have left the sphere?

We’ve gotten down to crunch time – the Sweet Sixteen. With these competitors, you could probably make a solid argument for any of them to be the eventual winner of the tournament. But the thing is, we’re not looking for sixteen winners – we’re trying to determine who is the best. As such, we’re forging onward by working one side of the bracket – the 1980s and the 1990s – down to the four competitors who will vie for two of the Final Four seats. Who do you think should be there?

Let’s get things started with the 1980s bracket:

Bon Jovi (1) vs. Guns ‘N Roses (4)

At first glance, these two bands are about as different as you can get, the gritty gang from L. A.’s Sunset Strip versus the Jersey Boys. But if you actually look closer, there are more similarities between them than you think. Both had enigmatic front men in Jon Bon Jovi and W. Axl Rose and both had virtuoso guitarists in Richie Sambora and Slash. Popularity wise, it is arguable that the Gunners were just as big as BJ, if not more popular, and they definitely had more of an impact on the music and served as inspirations for future headbangers. The big kicker here may be longevity, as GNR has disappeared from the scene for long periods of time; while they weren’t at the apex that they were through the 1980s, Bon Jovi has been consistently together (until the recent Sambora/Bon Jovi split) since their inception in the early 80s.

Metallica (2) vs. Slayer (6)

You knew this clash was coming between two of the monsters of metal. The problem is that it is a one-sided battle. Metallica defeats Slayer at virtually every criterion that we’ve set:  longevity, creativity, influence, popularity, and accolades. Slayer can lay claim to being the father of death metal, but Metallica were the ones who ensured that bands like Slayer could get heard somewhere. Metallica, despite their detractors who say they “sold out” when the Black Album shot them to superstardom, has always carried the banner for metal fans worldwide. Ask yourself this:  if there were no Metallica, would we have ever heard of Slayer?

And without further ado, here’s the 1990s bracket:

Nirvana (1) vs. Pearl Jam (4)

It was thisclose between Pearl Jam and Foo Fighters for the right to face Nirvana, but the 2017 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees were able to stave off Dave Grohl and Co. at least this time around. Now they have to face off against Grohl’s first band, Nirvana, in what is an intriguing matchup.

It is really easy to say that Nirvana started the “Grunge Era” of hard rock/metal, but Pearl Jam was right along with them in breaking that ground. In fact, Pearl Jam’s Ten was released BEFORE Nirvana’s Nevermind hit the shelves (Ten was released on August 27, 1991; Nevermind was released September 24, 1991), making the argument for Pearl Jam to be the innovators of the grunge sound. Both of their vocalists perfectly captured the grunge attitude, with the late Kurt Cobain somewhat channeling Bob Dylan’s indecipherable vocal stylings and Eddie Vedder bringing an intensity to his aural assault. If there were one area that sets the two apart, it would be critical acclaim; from their start, Nirvana was always endorsed more by the critics than Pearl Jam ever was.

It’s a tough battle – but if it were easy, everyone would do it!

Rage Against the Machine (2) vs. Green Day (3)

In my opinion, this is a no-brainer, but I am sure there are plenty out there who might argue. Rage Against the Machine was damn close to being the “punk” band here, with their politically influenced lyrics, hammerhead guitars and “in your face” attitude. That has always been one of the criticisms of Green Day is that they were “punk-lite” and not a hardcore punk band (an insult to the members of Green Day, though).

Outside of that fact, the battle is a pretty close one here. Critical acclaim has to go to Rage, but in the other categories they are about dead even. You can give Green Day the edge as to longevity and maybe popularity (I am pretty sure that more people have heard of Green Day than Rage) and that might sway some of the votes. We’ll have to hear from the voters as to who gets the victor’s flag here.

Get your votes in quick because in a couple days we will take it to the Elite Eight! The middle of this week, we will see who has survived the carnage and will vie for the chance to reach the Final Four. By the end of the week, we will crown the champion and answer the question:  who is the greatest hard rock/metal band of all time?